Gearing up for Shanghai Comic-Con to showcase "Life of a Bastard Vol.1" I wonder if life is good? Do I feel overwhelmed with having to balance everything from being an educator in China, father to a five-year boy, pursuing personal goals (I started art classes last Monday ), and getting back with my girlfriend after breaking up for a year with all the promises that we both change for the better? It's all a balancing act neglect one of these my universe becomes chaotic, and I just want to shut the world off.
I think back to living in New York before I left to reinvent myself in China, the deep feeling of being emotionally detached from everyday living and just feeling like a drone sleepwalking my daily life. Just doing "stuff" that felt unimportant to me still not knowing what I want in life. Hopped on a plane and made my way to China, live that peaceful or boring life that you can't live residing in New York. 8,000 miles away from memories that I just want to forget because part of me is a coward when it comes to confronting profound pain, just suffer silently it will be okay, but that's a lie because pain and memories have their way of coming to the surface and covering your outer shell. I wanted to avoid relationships that are complicated in China, relationships that I can simply walk away from; it should be easy I don't speak the language.
Professionally things were going great in China, happy and full of creative ideas. But I was naive, and still maybe a little naive when it comes to romance or romantic pursuits, back in 2011 I had no idea what I was looking for in a person. A good time or something long-term, how much emotional investment do I have to make? Going from one relationship to another to only hear from the previous one that I will be a father. A crazy life, I can say that I didn't handle my personal life with the maturity as I do with other things in my life.
Luckily I found the right therapist to work on having balance, letting go petty anger as worked for me this past year, and giving my relationship with my girlfriend a real chance but also seeing that there are challenges ahead for both of us. I am starting to feel worthy of having things in my life that are positive. Happiness is my ultimate goal not money, cars, fame, or useless stuff will make me feel balanced, having inner peace will.